Episode 88: Our New Chapter: Parenting, Love And An Unmedicated Birth Story

Limitless One The Podcast | Kate Griffith | Parenting

Life’s biggest transformation often begins with the journey into parenting. Join me today as I interview my beloved wife, Kate Griffith, as we delve into an unchartered new world of becoming first-time parents. We candidly discuss the joys, challenges, and profound emotions of welcoming our little Zen into the world. We highlight our holistic approach to parenting and share the reasons why we decided to have an unmedicated birth process with the aide of Doulas, Midwives and delivering at a Birthing Center. From nurturing our relationship amidst new responsibilities to making intentional choices in our infant's care, we explore how this journey has not only changed us individually but strengthened our bond as a couple.

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Our New Chapter: Parenting, Love And An Unmedicated Birth Story

Kate Griffith, my wife, welcome to the podcast. How are you?

Thank you. It's been a year since I've been on.

Isn't that wild?

It's been a busy year.

It's been quite a year.

It's been beautiful.

Reflecting On Parenthood Almost A Year Later

Last time we talked on this podcast, we talked about what it's going to be, our emotions, our feelings, the pregnancy itself, and a year later, we have this beautiful little baby.

I think it was between Christmas and New Year's when we recorded the last one. It was exactly a year ago. We have this ten-month-old, beautiful little bean in our life.

It's such a difference in lifestyle, but at the end of the day, it is the most beautiful gift we've ever received.

My baby boy turning ten months old, he is not close to a year. Anyone who tells me that, I'm like, "He's ten months, not a year yet."

What It Means To Live A Limitless Life As A Mother

Ten months in, after experiencing that, your life perspective has changed a lot. Let's start it off with, what does living a limitless life mean now that you are a mother?

I listened to your podcast. I know that this is the question that you ask all of your guests. I was putting Zen to sleep the other night, and I was just laying with him. I was looking at him. I was like, "How will I teach this little boy to be limitless?" I think about this all the time. We actually ask each other these questions a lot, like, "How are we going to teach him to be his most authentic, aligned version of himself?" and I kept coming back to trust. I was like, "Why do I keep coming back to trust?"

I was like, "That's what living a limitless life, to me, stems from, trust in yourself, trust in the universe, trust in the path, the process, just trust in life. That's what I have to teach him for him to be limitless, to trust himself, to trust Mommy and Daddy. With that trust, then he's going to be able to develop the most aligned version, the most authentic version. But it takes that level of trust within yourself, within the universe, to allow that alignment and that authenticity to surface." So, trust.

I think you mentioned authenticity, and our baby will know how authentic we are, how we live our lives. Are we living authentically? Are we living limitless abundance and a limitless mindset? We can't hide it from him because he's going to see us day in and day out. It actually makes us step up even more on this pursuit of a limitless lifestyle, that this little miracle is watching everything we say, every expression on our face.

Our baby is very observant. I know, all babies are observing, they're all soaking it in, they're little sponges, but he sees everything. We open a cabinet, and he's looking inside to see what's there, he wants to know what's behind everything. I think that you and I have to show him the way because I think that's the only way to teach him, by showing him. I feel like having a baby makes you really want to step up into the best version of yourself.

He gets his observation skills from Mama.

His attention to detail comes from Mama. We'll see when he gets older.

Mama sees all.

She does.

Last time we spoke a year ago, we went deep into the whole pregnancy process, but for those who haven't listened to the podcast, and if you're listening out there, I suggest you do, please listen to it because we really go deep into our decision-making all the way up to it. Basically, let's just highlight some of the major points on the manifestation aspects of creating this life and then the pregnancy process.

From my perspective, and for anyone who is listening, it took us two and a half years, almost, to conceive. With that comes a lot of frustration. With that comes a lot of questioning yourself, worry, "Is there something wrong?" Along the way, we just had to hold the pose. We really just had to hold faith that it was going to happen for us. Again, looking back at that time, one thing that I commend us on is that we continued to grow as a couple, continued to grow individually, and just trusted that if and when it will happen for us in whatever way it was going to happen, that we were going to become parents.

I think that we continued to do our Dr. Joe work, go to Dr. Joe Dispenza retreats, where we met amazing people, some of those we ended up working with, as they were healers in different capacities. I realized we did a womb healing. That was to conceive, but for me, it was also part of my healing journey, to be the best version of myself when our baby arrived.

It is part of a mother’s healing journey to be the best version of themselves when their baby arrives.

We continued to just hold the mindset that he's coming, or she's coming. It's going to happen for us. I also was always in the energy of mamas. I would see moms out there, and I would honor them and wish them well and take and consume some of their energy in a really beautiful way. I would send them love on their journey, whether they were pregnant or they already had a little one, walking with their bassinet or whatever it was. I kept staying in that energy.

I would go into a store here in Jersey City that sells baby clothes, baby toys, all these little things. I would just go and walk. Not because I was just curious, but I would go in there as if my baby was already here, "What is Mama looking for?" I really wanted to stay in that energy of feeling like a parent already, to help us get in the right mindset and feel into being Mom and Dad.

That's so beautiful. It brings me to something I think about all the time. If you go into a Lamborghini dealership and you come in real timid, acting like, "I'm not worthy of this Lamborghini," the salespeople will immediately be able to tell. If you go in, you've got your shit together, everything about the cars, you have the energy, the aura of acting as if you deserve it and it's for you, everything that is coming to us is going to happen.

We don't need to be fearful of, "Is it coming?" "Is it not coming?" "If it doesn't come, it doesn't come." There's a reason for that. There's a reason why our lives went down a certain path. I always held that belief that this is for us. We're going to have this amazing baby. It's going to be the best thing in our life.

Just trusting, because, like you said, it was two years that we were trying to conceive. We did everything possible in terms of eating the right foods, staying in alignment, mentally, physically, spiritually, doing all the meditation work. So much of it is acting as if it's already here, as if the miracle is already here. If you look at life as a linear timeline, everything seems separated. But if you look at it as one moment in time, every angle in which you look at life, you can see a different part of your life. I think that perception, the spiritual base that we carry our lives forward with, is very helpful.

I always think, "Who would I have been through those two and a half years if I had already met him, if I already knew that he's ours?" I could have relaxed a little bit more into it. Now, as you know, we're trying for baby number two. It's a little easier to relax into it because we know what it feels like. We know he or she is out there, they are coming to us. It's really beautiful to be in that mindset.

Also every time I would get a negative pregnancy test, there was disappointment. But I just kept remembering, thinking, "I'm so grateful I get one more month with my husband and my baby." I'm sorry, my baby, I was thinking of my baby dog, our dog. I get one more month of just us as a couple. I would just sink into that appreciation, one more month to just be us before this baby is coming. I just kept going in that cycle, just being in that deep appreciation.

There's also a book, Spirit Babies: How to Communicate with the Child You're Meant to Have, that I read. In Spirit Babies: How to Communicate with the Child You're Meant to Have, it talks a lot about Mom or Dad needing to go to a certain place in the world to retrieve their baby. Right before we got pregnant, you went to Egypt. I think there is this belief for us that it's very well possible that was something you needed to do, check off your list, to go and retrieve our little baby. Knowing who he is and how he's such a deep soul, and so much about him, I truly believe, in my heart of hearts, you needed to go there and retrieve that little boy for us.

Totally. There are two places on my list of destinations around the world. I'm a real big geek into ancient civilizations. I've always had dreams of Egypt my entire existence, ever since childhood, and Peru was another one. The Egypt trip, the opportunity arose to go with amazing people. I made the decision. We weren't pregnant yet, it was just us and the dog. You were kind enough to give me the opportunity to go out there.

The very first night, I went into the Great Pyramid, and inside the main room is the King's Chamber. There's this sarcophagus, it's not really a sarcophagus, but it's this container where you can lay inside of, and they say that the Ark of the Covenant was once housed in there. It's a very sacred place. People like Alexander the Great, even Jesus, there's documentation of him going in and laying in there and having a spiritual awakening.

I just had this feeling, this is something I need to do. I went in there, I had this massive Kundalini awakening. All of my chakras opened up. I left my body, I went into the cosmos. I was able to connect with our boy, our son. I told him that it's safe to come home, we're ready to accept you, and then I just felt his energy. That was almost early March.

We got pregnant in May, so two months later.

It was beautiful.

He just went to Peru. We'll see if he went to retrieve our second baby.

Talk about that a little bit. Again, now that stakes were even higher with having a baby, Kate was kind enough to give me the blessing to go. It's a lot, dealing with a baby, just the two of us is a lot. Before that, we didn't have any help in terms of babysitters or anything like that. You had the baby for ten straight days but anyways, I went there, had amazing experiences in the ancient sites. There were a few different activations we did in these ancient megaliths. I felt the energy of our second baby. I was able to hear first on this one podcast. Let's see how the universe allows us to unfold this mystery.

Beautiful.

Let's dive a little bit further back into the pregnancy itself. Just review the pregnancy, how it was, and then the actual birthing process, which we didn't talk about on the last podcast because that was right before.

I was pregnant. We were working with an OBGYN. I think we knew from the get-go that maybe OBGYN was not going to be for us, that we wanted to work with midwives and a doula, potentially scope out having a home birth or birthing center. When you get pregnant, I think your mind starts to race with, "What if, what if, what if?" Being in the medical system for a little bit of time, and our OBGYN caring for us, I think they are a lot more risk-averse.

I knew our baby was fine. I knew he was great. I knew he was perfect. I had a very easy pregnancy. I think a lot of that had to do with perspective, a lot of that had to do with mindset. Also, trying for so long, even if I did experience a little nausea or something, it was like, "Everything is fine. We go for a walk, we get moving, and it goes away. You stop thinking about it." Overall, I had a very easy pregnancy. I was very healthy during pregnancy. We were told and had to go through some different processes because of my age. I was delivering the baby when I was still 38, a couple of months before I turned 39. They put me in the geriatric.

Which is ridiculous. They need to reterm that.

Also, when you start looking at it, 35 or past 35 becomes high risk. When you start looking into things, that's a really old number that they came up with. It has nothing to do with the individual. It's not individualized. It's really just looking at your birthday and saying, "You're this," or "You're this." They weren't looking at the fact that we're wildly healthy and take care of ourselves. I had to go to some specialists because they thought some things came up. That makes you wonder, "Is baby okay? Is everything okay?"

Along the way, everything was always fine. Everyone loves to tell you horror stories when you are pregnant. We were even in an appointment with a medical professional, and she was telling us all these horror stories about all these things. I remember leaving there in tears because I was like, "That lady just scared the shit out of me."

Can I just add that we went there, and she was saying all these things? The reason we went there is because our OB did some scan on us and said, "There might be a little thing in the baby's heart. We want you to go and do a heart ultrasound."

There was a little calcium deposit that they saw in the baby's heart and wanted to ensure it was okay. I love how you say, "She did a scan on us," as if you were pregnant too, like I was pregnant.

I was there.

Choosing Midwives And The Role Of A Doula In Childbirth

You were there. They did a scan on the baby. They also told us our baby was really small throughout the process. He ended up being 8 pounds, 5 ounces. He wasn't small at all. Anyway, just being in that system, we realized that wasn't right for us. Early into the third trimester, we switched to midwives. When I sat down with the midwives, I just took the biggest sigh of my life. Sitting with them, the conversation, the appointments were an hour. They let you ask every question under the sun. No question was silly. OBGYN was quick, in and out. It just felt like home. It felt really good being with them and in their care.

We use Midwives of New Jersey. We'll give a little shout-out to them. It's a place in Morris that we went to, and it's in an older home. We're literally going into bedrooms, essentially, that are offices. They're really cozy. There are fireplaces in there. It's such a beautiful environment. The people, from the ones that greet you at the front to meeting all the midwives, the way they do it is they have seven different midwives, and they want you to meet with every single one of them because, depending on who's on shift at the time of your birth, obviously, we don't know what day it's going to happen. They want you to be familiar with all of them.

We loved having that because a lot of times, we talked to other people that had a midwife schedule where they were working with one midwife. If that person's on vacation, or if that person is not available at that specific time when the wife is going, or the mother is going into labor, then what do you do? You don't have a midwife. Or maybe they have a backup, but it becomes really complicated. It adds more stress to the entire process. We were very comfortable with the midwives.

The irony in that is that even though we were working with an OBGYN and we had lots of appointments with them, because I was with them from literally like week six until week 30-something, I never met with the OBGYN. I never met with the actual doctor that would have delivered our baby. You're making a decision to work with them potentially, but you've never actually met the person that might deliver your baby. I understand she's extremely busy, and she's probably delivering lots of babies, but it didn't give me comfort in knowing who was going to be there to coach me and be there with me. Having met all the midwives, we were super comfortable with every single one of them. They were all really amazing. We knew we were in the right hands.

Challenges And Lessons From A 52-Hour Labor Journey

We decided, also around week 38, that we were going to work with a doula as well because we knew that labor would start at home and we would labor at home for as long as possible. So we hired a doula who is now part of our family. Our hearts knew what to do. Our ego was like, "We don't need an additional person," but our hearts knew she needed to be here for us in this process. Thank goodness she was because my labor was about 52 hours. It started on a Saturday, the baby didn't arrive until late Monday night. She was here for all of it with us, to hold our hands, to make sure Anand was great, to make sure I was great. We could not have done it without her.

That was one of the things we like to highlight, we were deciding on whether it was even necessary to have a doula or not. We were wavering for a while. We interviewed a few of them. Some of them didn't really resonate with us. When we met Catherine, it did resonate. We were even talking to the midwives and people associated with them. We have a few different people there, there's the midwife, the midwife's assistant, and then also somebody else from time to time. "You guys should be okay." Honestly, having a doula there was one of the most important things that we decided to do. I couldn't have imagined it any other way. Fifty-two hours of labor, you started going into contractions, inconsistent contractions, around Saturday afternoon, 3:00 or so.

I literally had to pretend I was going to vlog. It's even called a vlog throughout. I was like, "Hey, guys, I think I'm going into labor," and then I realized really quickly I was not at all going to document this. Once those contractions started and I was holding onto the table, holding onto Anand, I was like, "We are done with that. That was a one-and-done vlog."

Maybe with the second baby, we did a vlog, but I even asked you, I said, "Do you want me to film?" You're like, "No, no filming."

I just wanted to be in the moment and in my body.

Going back to it, having a doula was super important for us. It's really the advocate for the mom, making sure that she's comfortable at every moment. The midwives were amazing. We would have been successful with just them, but I think having the doula there was an added layer of comfort. It's like a motherly person being there with you to hold your hand through every step of the way. She's like Zenny's auntie, and she visits us, and we are talking on Instagram.

It was beautiful. Our hearts knew that we needed someone, and our hearts knew that we needed her specifically. She arrives on a Saturday night, and we're awake all night. There were contractions, same thing all day Sunday. The midwives, she's helping with the communication with the midwives because once your contractions are consistent, that's when you would then go to the birthing center. She's helping with the communication with them. Finally, that Monday, they're like, "Come into our office. Let's see how things are going."

They look for certain markers. I think it's one contraction that lasts for a minute, every ten minutes, or something like that.

Anyone who's having a baby is going to probably know what these markers are.

I don't know if everyone that's listening to the podcast is, it's very personal.

We didn't do a home birth because one of the individuals that we work with at the OB had basically said, "You guys should not do a home birth. You guys need to be in a hospital." She knew that that was something we were considering. She's like, "You need to be in a hospital." That was in my mind. We did a birthing center because that felt like a happy medium. Catherine, our doula, had mentioned this to me. She's like, "You might be a really good candidate for being at home. You're healthy, everything is free. Everything has really been great throughout." Knowing what she knew about me, I did the happy medium with the birthing center.

Again, knowing what I know now, my body needed to be close to where my baby was going to be delivered. Again, Saturday, we start contractions, go into Sunday, all night long on Saturday and Sunday, and then Monday, we're like, "Let's go. We're going to go see the midwives, and then we're going to go to a hotel that's nearby. Just be close. Let's just go there. Go that direction. Let's be close."

The hotel is literally right next door to the birthing center.

I wasn't dilated enough to be admitted to the birthing center. The moment that I got there, my contractions became more consistent. Everything sped up. I realized there's physiology within, and my mind couldn't relax, and my body couldn't really relax into the labor until it was where it needed to be. Next baby, home birth all the way, assuming that mama and baby are healthy. Fifty-two hours. I pushed for two hours at the end, and our baby arrives on February 12, 2024, at 9:50 PM. The most beautiful 8 pounds, 5 ounces of just pure love. He was beautiful.

He's beautiful. He had a football-shaped head. He's the most amazing thing.

We chose the unmedicated birth, just to touch on that quickly. Basically, who we are. But we looked into a lot of things. I did a lot of research throughout my pregnancy, a lot. Listened to a lot of podcasts, a lot of sources. Also had to clear out the noise of some sources that I didn't really agree with, that didn't really align with our values.

I just didn't want any of the medicine. I didn't want Pitocin. I didn't want the labor to speed up. I didn't want an epidural. I wanted to feel into this birth. I wanted to be fully present for it. I didn't want any antibiotics. I didn't want to be hooked up to any type of anything. I just needed this free feeling throughout. That's what I really craved.

Even when it was taking a really long time, 52 hours, three days, my biggest fear throughout was that they were going to make me go to a hospital. That was my only fear. It wasn't like anything was wrong or I wasn't feeling like I could do it. It was like, "The only thing that I'm concerned about is they're going to make me get up and go to a hospital. I don't want that." I'm like, "Baby, please come, please."

One thing I'll add is everything is perspective again. It's like when you're at a hospital, 52 hours is way too long because they want the process to happen as quickly as possible.

That probably wouldn't have happened for me. Also, knowing on a piece of paper, me being 38, me being past 40 weeks, I was 41 and three days, all those things would be like, "Great. She's a really good candidate. Let's give her some Pitocin, and then if that doesn't work, you could have ended up in a C-section." New Jersey has a really high C-section rate

They have protocols. The doctors obviously want to do this as quickly. Also, from their perspective, they want to do it as harmlessly as possible, not understanding that there are effects that happen when you're taking Pitocin and all these kinds of things.

I didn't want that.

Fifty-two hours, from another perspective, is perfectly healthy. The baby comes out when it needs to come out.

Forty-one weeks is very normal. Forty-one and two or 41 and three days is very normal. It's just that the medical industry has made 40 weeks their number. Forty-one is so normal. Our midwives were like, "You're fine. At 41, we'll worry about this if you get to 42 weeks, but 41 and a couple of days for a natural birth is very normal." I don't know anyone who had a natural birth that went into labor earlier than 40. It's super normal. You only know these things when you're doing the research. I spent so much time and energy listening to different podcasts and different resources. Also, Ina May's book Ina May's Guide to Childbirth. You realize then that natural birth has been happening for thousands of years.

Way longer than hospital births were.

The one thing is nothing was wrong. Having a baby is the most normal thing, one of the most natural things that anyone will ever do. You just don't do it that many times in your life, so it feels a little scary. I didn't need to be in a hospital, and I know that. I'm so happy that we chose that path for us. We stuck to our guns and our gut instinct on that.

Having a baby is one of the most natural things that anyone will ever do.

For sure. Before we move on to the next part, do you want to tell us a little bit about specifically the books that you read and then also some of the specific podcasts you listened to? Because there's so much information out there, and it depends on who you're reading, which doctors you're listening to. For instance, we had an unfortunate situation because we were doing blood work, and your iron was showing a little bit low. You went on supplements for iron. Before we started getting those test results back, there was a hematologist that said, "Before we even get the results back, let's just get you on these iron injections." He started scheduling them without our permission. We never agreed to the iron injections. The one comment he made to us was, "I'll get in trouble if I don't recommend these."

I don't know if he was coming from the perspective of, "We need to bill you for these because that's what the protocol is," or if he was being risk-averse and saying, "It's better to put you on preemptively." Again, these injections do cause a lot of side effects. Taking that high dosage of iron is going to affect anyone's body and also the baby's body.

When you're being bulldozed into certain decisions and pressured, you have to take a step back and see, "Is this the right path for us?" Thank God we have a pretty good understanding of health and how we wanted to do this. We were OK with saying, "Thanks, but no thanks." For anyone listening, there's a lot of information that you might not see out there from a hospital perspective, from an OB perspective, but we listened to a lot of great podcasts that specifically break down all of these issues that we went through.

You asked about books. The two books that I think are important are Ina May's Guide to Childbirth, makes you, again, realize that natural childbirth is quite normal, and Spirit Babies: How to Communicate with the Child You're Meant to Have. If anyone is spiritually aligned, then you probably want to read that book as well. As far as podcasts that were helping us to make some decisions, whether to give the baby vitamin K or the eye ointment or deciding whether to vaccinate him or not, I think we already made that decision prior to, but it helped to affirm our decision.

Regarding these iron infusions, the podcast that I was listening to is Birthing Instincts with Dr. Stu. I also listened to a ton of others. I would just go into the search, podcasts on iron infusion when pregnant, and it gives you all the information. It also turned out that my iron wasn't that low. They were going to give me these infusions that have side effects and could have side effects for the baby when my iron was borderline low.

That's because we were taking a lot of nutritional actions to get the iron up and then also supplementation.

Again, this individual, the doctor, the hematologist, had booked us for appointments. When he called me with all the results, he mentioned clearly in the call with me where my levels were. I wrote them all down, and I looked all of them up, and they were all within range. He said they were within range but, "To be safe, let's get you in here for these iron infusions." That's when it was a clear no for us. Birthing Instincts is the podcast that helped me to just feel comfortable in a lot of the decisions that we were making.

Let's go into the mindset of the actual birthing process. Once we get to the birthing center, we're in a beautiful room. It's got a water tub. We tried all the different things that they have there, the TRX straps and the pool, the water birth, and all this kind of stuff. Tell us how your body was feeling during this experience. Were there any times in which your mindset shifted, where you became a little bit more fearful, or did you always know this?

I think I've told you before, there were multiple versions of me in that room. There was a version of me that I really and truly believe. They say when you are birthing your baby, mama goes to the stars to retrieve her baby and bring him back. There was this version of me that I think, higher self, whatever you want to call it, was this sense of knowing that everything is fine, everything is great. I'm here. This version is with baby and ready to bring baby down. There was a version of self that was overseeing the room and the way things were moving, and then there was the physical self that was experiencing the pain, the contractions, and going through all of that. It's interesting because the two versions, the higher self, the one overseeing the room, kept me, in the physical form, calm.

I remember just sinking into trust. I'm someone who knows, again, what's going on in the room. If someone's talking, I'm super wildly observant. I just let go of that. I let the people in that room, they were the women that were meant to be there, our midwife, our midwife assistant, and our doula, they were the individuals that were meant to be in that room with us. This is the way it's meant to go. My contractions kept slowing down when I would get into the water. I just had to trust that was what my body was telling me, that was not the way that he was going to come into the world. That's what I thought was going to happen, this beautiful, sexy while coming through water.

My body just stopped. I got to relax. He came into the world, and I birthed most of the time on the toilet, backwards with my feet up. I guess it's very common for that to be a really easy place for the body to relax. That's where things would start to move. Like, "Get back on that toilet, girl." I wanted a sexy birth, like sexy labor, and sitting backwards on the toilet is not the sexiest thing to happen. I birthed him on all fours on a bed, my butt up in the air, an entire room seeing all areas of myself, talk about vulnerability.

Maybe you have a different perspective of it, but I don't remember a time where I was like, "I can't do this." I really and truly, because of the work that I did, I think meditative meditation, visualizations, while it didn't happen in the way that I wanted it to happen, as quickly as I wanted it to happen, I truly believe every baby comes into the world exactly as they are meant to. I don't remember having doubt in myself. Again, maybe that physical version of myself did. I do remember I needed to lean on you for support. There would be no version of me having a baby where you wouldn't be there. I've never needed you so much in my life, to support and just love on me and tell me I'm doing a great job and to just be my cheerleader in those moments. Do you have a different version of it?

You were completely accurate in your description. You were so confident. You were so patient with yourself. You just moved. Obviously, there were a lot of position changes that you needed to do, but you were elegant, and it was a beautiful experience. The room was really nice. We had candlelight on, and it was a very sacred time. I just fell even deeper in love with you, to just watch you, witness you in your divine feminine, going through this metamorphosis. This thing literally needs to be birthed, and going through this process, it's the scariest thing in the world, but also the most beautiful and the most freeing.

How A Sacred Birth Experience Strengthened Family Bonds

Once that baby decided to come out at 9:50 PM, just the look on your face, the sense of, "It was so worth it." Every moment of this entire process was so worth it, to see you hold that baby, to get to feel that emotion. I was crying because of the love that you guys shared. When I got to hold him, I just felt so much love. I'm like, "This is Kate's time. This is such a powerful experience. She will forever remember this. This is the most important moment in our family's history and future. This is when we begin our family." Obviously, we have our dog, which I love very much.

A baby's in there. Obviously, you see your body changing, you see your belly growing, but when you see that little bean for the first time, and they lay on you, and you feel their warmth, and you can smell them, that is a feeling I never want to forget. It's literally the most euphoric feeling. After 52 hours of labor and contractions, it's the most expansive feeling in the entire world.

I just want to share an aspect of birth. We talked about all the midwives. There is the OG midwife, she's the one who started the practice. She happened to be there because, in the birthing center, there was another birth that was happening, which, ironically, the other individual, the woman in there, birthed her baby five minutes after or before. I can't remember which one.

There's something about babies coming at the same time, and this weather change, a storm hit that night. It started snowing right when Zen was born. When this midwife, an additional midwife, came in, she was like, "You guys have been in there a little while, let me go in and see what's going on." I remember seeing her walk in, and just briefly, I'm in contraction, like pushing on all fours, I'm facing one direction, and I see her out of the corner of my eye, and my body just relaxed.

I remember just feeling super held by her. She was pushing and doing all this stuff on my belly. I just remember these beings, ancestors, loved ones, angels, coming into the room. When I turned over to hold our baby, again, all fours, and I'm turning onto my back so that they can hand me the baby, I look in the room, and I'm surprised because I felt so many other entities there. When Lisa, again, the OG midwife, walked in, I just felt this presence of so many beings. I turned over, and I'm like, "Where'd they go? Where are their faces?" I truly believe you are so held when you're in this process. When you are coming into motherhood.

The portals of heaven open up. That little soul comes to us in the physical form. It's being escorted by all of our loved ones, my dad who passed away, your grandma, your grandfather who passed away. It's a celebration because everything we are is thousands of years, hundreds of years of ancestry and genes being passed on, and successes and also hurts and pains.

You and I both have worked so hard on ourselves to heal so much of the lineages, and also to not pass any of the pain onto the next generation. Our baby was blessed on so many levels, to be able to have a mother like you, and for all the work that we've done, and all the wisdom that we can share upon him. But he also has his karma, his destiny, that he's going to be experiencing in this lifetime. He has a mission. This guy is very determined.

He's confident. He's silly. He's so much fun. He's beautiful. He's got so much personality. I know everyone says that about their kid, this kid's got some charm.

The one thing I love most about him, and it just blows my mind, is when we go into an elevator, we go into, even online at the airport, there'll be some people standing next to him, serious. If they're in the elevator, they live in our building. We've never really seen them smile, and then Zen will just break them down. He'll just stare at them right in the eye, and just wait them out, and he'll just start smiling and start putting that charm on.

He'll be the toughest-looking individual too.

Parenting Lessons Learned From A Baby’s Innocence

Somehow, he melts, and then they start laughing, and they start gooing and gaga-ing and waving at him. It just shows us, babies don't have any sense of apprehension or any doubt in themselves. If I go into an elevator, and even if I smile at somebody and they don't smile back, I'll be thinking to myself, “Is it me? Do they not like me? Do I look like I'm not friendly? Or is it them? Are they the prick?” We're going through all these stories in our minds about if we don't get a certain reaction that we're expecting. Babies, they're just emanating love. Even with our dog, Oni.

The dog is not so sure of the baby. He's not quite sure of him.

He loves him, but he gets a little bit scared when Zen's blundering around. Zen will always crawl after him, try to touch him, and then Oni will run away. But Zen never gets discouraged. Anytime he sees Oni, he's got this huge smile on his face. It's like that innocence of the baby, how much love they have in their hearts and in their aura, in their field. How do we protect that for him? How can we maintain that for him in his entire life?

All of us have that ability when we're born, to just emanate that field. Somewhere along the line, we learn through behavior, through subconscious reprogramming, that it's not okay to be so wide open with our love. And then we get discouraged, or we have these doubts and these fears and these insecurities. Once we get to a place where we start letting go of all the crap that we learned, it's like, “Why can't we just continue from childhood all the way through and just live a blissed life?”

It's funny because I see the way that he is, and he has such a little light. It makes me want to be a brighter light. It makes me want to have more conversation and be that same version of him, or that version of me. He is our biggest teacher. These little lessons, they feel silly, but he teaches us to be present more, to stop and look at the trees blowing in the wind and how beautiful that is, the sun shining through, or something that we take for granted.

He thinks it's so amazing. It's really beautiful to experience life with him in that way. Your perspective shifts, of people, of things. So many perspective shifts have happened since having him. One of them is literally just being a brighter light for him, but also for the world, because we see his light. We're like, “We better match that.”

For sure. It's one of the biggest things I've learned, or realizations I came to, after having Zen. “This present moment, that's all that matters.” Just to get a smile and a laugh from him, that's really the only thing I seek in this life. After having all these ambitions and everything like that, and I still do, but when it comes down to it, he's the only thing that matters at such a high level. Obviously, you and Oni and our family, that's my everything. Without that, nothing else is possible. To see his joy, you can't put a price on it.

That's true.

What are some of the biggest realizations you've had since being a mom?

I think the love within our home, you think you only have so much love and capacity for it. You're like, “Oh my gosh.” I just keep falling in love deeper, with our baby, with our dog, with you. I thought we were in love. I'm like, “You becoming a father and seeing you hold our baby for the first time, I got to fall in love with you all over again.”

This wild amount of love that fills our home. I think as a mama, you become wildly intuitive. Your mama bear instinct also kicks in, but very intuitive in nature. I don't have the time to overthink. I don't have the luxury of time to overthink or overanalyze anything. The beauty in that is, I don't, because I'm going to be so present with my baby.

The other beauty is you realize how much time you spent overthinking something, working on something, creating something, just let that creativity flow, and the way that it comes out is the way that it comes out. I used to prep for my breathwork sessions or my sound healing sessions for hours before. I'm like, “Just show up and let the medicine come through.”

That's the medicine. The medicine is going to come through if you allow it. It's when you start to overthink it or analyze it into an analytical mind. It's really brought me deeper into that feminine nature of just being in flow, just being in trust. The theme for this is just being in trust of all things. I owe all of that to becoming a mama.

So beautiful. Just flowing. That's really what it comes down to. What has been the biggest challenge, do you think, in your adjustment that you've had to make since being a mom?

I think one of the things is, I was expecting to get back to an old life or a past version of myself. I was waiting for that each week postpartum. I was like, “Am I back?” I was checking in, “Am I back to my old self? Do I feel like my old self, the old version?” I just came to the realization, that old version is in the past. This future version, this new version of self, and the way that I'm stepping into it as a mama, and whatever it is that I'm going to create. I didn't plan on being a stay-at-home mom, but when I met that boy, I just can't let go of him.

There are so many things, I wouldn't say adjustments, but just realizations, more so, that I'm having, and learning, and growing with him. Whereas I thought, “You're the mom, you’ve got to make the decisions.” I'm like, “The beauty is, I get to raise him, but I'm raising myself in this process too.” I really love this version of myself, when I really am just in touch with my heart and the way things are flowing.

You've blossomed so much. Obviously, you were such a beautiful soul even before the baby, but you've blossomed so much, leaning into surrender and trust and love. You have so much patience with our baby, especially at night when he wakes up. He needs to be cuddled. I have a hard time getting out of bed, but you are up right away and able to hold that baby.

The one thing our baby will always know is how much love there is for him, and that he'll never question the connection he has with his parents. The love that we shower upon him, he'll never question the divinity of his soul and how connected he is. I think that's really the one thing I want to leave him with, in whatever my time is that I leave this earth, just knowing how loved he is and that he can accomplish anything. What do we always say? “A child who is loved can accomplish anything, can do anything.”

I really and truly believe that. I think a lot of that also stems from showing him that love, not only within his own, we love him, but making sure that he loves him. Also showing him the way that we love one another. I want him to see that and to know how much Daddy loves Mommy, how much Mommy loves Daddy. That is so important so that he can experience love on so many different levels.

You mentioned being a stay-at-home mom. For the longest time, up until a couple of weeks ago, it was just the two of us taking care of Zen. Just taking turns, you go to the gym, I give you balance. I go to the gym or go to work, or you have a breathwork event. We've always been with him. Nobody else has been with him.

We managed for nine months without any help, nine months and a few weeks without any help. I have so much respect for us. It's so beautiful, such a beautiful time that we got to spend with him solely.

It's quite an accomplishment. Looking back on it, it was a lot. It was intense. At the same time, there's nothing I would have traded it for. We've decided to have a couple of hours with the babysitter, just to give us a little bit of time to individually take care of the things that we need to do, whether it's getting back really more seriously into, for me, running the business, or for you, getting more balance for your passions in life and your mission and everything like that. Tell us, how are you balancing out? Understanding that motherhood is your number one priority, just as fatherhood is my number one priority, but then remembering to fill your cup?

Maybe another realization is just taking balance out of the equation, always trying to find balance or trying to find the old self. I don't know that I'll have balance. He will be my number one for some time while he still needs Mama so deeply. I have realized that by having someone to help eight hours a week, it's not a lot, two days, four hours each day, but it's just giving us a little bit of time and space to go to lunch together or do something together.

It's just opening up a little bit of time for us. Again, in this process of trust and trusting, I realized that he needs more love in his life. It's okay to have someone else come into our home that will just offer more love, a different perspective, a different voice, different songs, different games. It's been really beautiful to witness this relationship because he is such a little lover. He's such a little lovey boy. He just loves everyone around him.

He adjusted so quickly. Literally, the first time the babysitter came, he was smiling, laughing, not even upset that we were away or anything. He's such an adapter.

He is. I think it was that time we spent, he knows we're coming back. He's used to Mom leaving for a little and coming back and being with Dad. I think we did the right thing. Again, I trust that we did the right thing.

I totally believe it as well. I have so much admiration for you, for all the time and love. Not effort, because it's effortless to be with him, but just the intention in which you spend time with him. It's so much presence and so much love.

What I want from motherhood is for it to be full, and to be full of love and laughs. That requires my presence. I want it to be full of joy. I want to look back on every phase that we are in and just be in it with him. Newborn is hard. He's getting hard now because he's moving around and he's crawling, but I just want to be in it with him. As a mama, my job is to keep him safe and secure and nourished at the bare minimum. I want to keep him safe in his expression. I want to keep him safe to be silly. I want to keep him safe to have that lay on and secure and who it is that he is, and learn to use his voice and nourish his mind, body, and soul.

I want that for us. A lot of that comes from being safe within ourselves, being secure within ourselves, and nourishing our own selves. Taking these little bits of time for ourselves to come back a better mom and come back a better dad is showing him the way. That safety, security, and nourishment that I want to offer him is also something that we have to offer ourselves.

We can't give from a half cup or an empty cup. Making sure that we're nourishing our minds, our bodies, our spirits. For you, you've always been so into fitness, just like myself, and health on all levels. How has it changed since you've become a mom, and then your journey to get back, not get back to anything, but to live or step into this new version of yourself?

Bounce-back culture is a thing. I don't subscribe to bouncing back, but I also don't subscribe to, you're going to lose your body forever, it's going to change. I think when you have that mentality, you also are a victim of the most beautiful thing that's ever happened in your entire life. I never wanted to start to phrase like, “My body is different,” or “My body has changed,” or “My body is this or that,” because then I'm becoming a victim of literally the most beautiful little guy that has ever been in my life.

Truly, fitness for me is, I love the gym, and I love to move, but my priority is movement. It's not to get back to anything. I think maybe I'm probably back at the same weight, but I don't weigh myself. I'm trying to stay away from that because that doesn't help me by any means. I think my old clothes, for the most part, fit. I'm probably back to, but when I made it a priority to just move, to move the energy around, to just be moving consciously, to get back to the things that I love, and that movement is one of them, to not put any pressure on myself or any expectation.

I swear the moment that I did that or I moved into that mindset, that's when my body really began to change. I know there's a process. While I was breastfeeding, I was holding on to a little bit more weight. Maybe it was just timing-wise, but I really have been working on the mindset aspect of it and really just envisioning “I want to be a hot mom. I want to be an elf.”

Sexy-ass woman.

I want to have those things. I just started to envision them and really just play around with mindset. That's one thing where I want to teach Zen, how the subconscious mind works and how to manifest anything and everything he desires. I'm like, “Let me play around with this.” I've played around with it myself. I'm pretty sure you can shape stuff. I'm pretty sure I have that ability.

100%.

I truly think so.

Tell us a little bit about, obviously, everybody is individual, everybody has different needs in terms of nutrition and working out, different types of exercises, but what did you lean into post-pregnancy to evolve your body and your mind and everything in terms of nutrition and working out? Were there specific things you really focused on?

Yes and no. I went back to workouts that felt good before, and they didn't feel good right away. I had to give myself a little bit more time. Once I got the green light to work out from the midwives, I did a few workouts. I remember just not feeling ready for it. I did take a little bit more time past when they said I could go back, I truly needed that. I now know I am so much stronger than I was prior to having Zen, which is wild, prior to getting pregnant.

It's because my nutrition has changed so much during pregnancy. After having him, being more conscious of choosing high protein, where maybe I wasn't doing that before. Maybe I had a little remnant of disordered eating from before, a fear of food prior to getting pregnant. There was a healing process within that as well. Something I thought I'd already healed from. I am eating very intuitively, high-protein foods. There's absolutely no restriction in this household either. I'd like to say we do more of an 80/20 rule, but I think maybe this month, more like a 70/30, maybe even a 60/40 over here sometimes but no expectations of the body, moving intuitively and eating intuitively.

So powerful. I've seen you evolve so much over the years in terms of lifestyle and really honing in on just, the way that we fuel ourselves, the input that we put in is the output that we're going to get out. Every single decision we make to put inside of our bodies will manifest somehow. I just noticed the other day, we had a holiday party. We ordered pizza. I had an entire pie of pizza, and then the next day, I had pizza, and I wake up, I got a little bit of a throat thing going on and a little congestion.

These opportunities allow you to see everything we do, every action, is so valuable, so vital, so important to the overall being of your health. I was talking to my barber, and he said, “Most of my staff is out because they're all sick.” What's going on? We've got all the holiday parties, all the alcohol, all the sugars and the sweets and everything.

Not getting sunlight, it's all those things. Honestly, being a parent, you're like running a marathon. You really have to be choosing the right things for yourself, as is, because you have to be on for this baby. In the middle of the night, possibly, our baby's still waking in the middle of the night, so I wake up with him. I'm really training now for this lifestyle. He's a happy boy. He's 22, probably like pushing 23, maybe even 24 pounds. A lot of that, the things that we're consuming, and the way that we're moving is also to be the best mom and dad possible and be the healthiest version of ourselves. I think it's always in the back of the mind, everything you're choosing, you're also choosing for him as well.

I think that's the biggest shift in understanding is everything we do is not only for ourselves, but for him, and to take care of our body temples because, like me personally speaking, I'm 43, I'm going to be 44. My baby's less than one year old. I want to be healthy as fuck going forward and be there for a long time in his life and be happy and be healthy and take him on adventures and explore the world and do all these things. It's so important to take care of this body temple.

Balancing Motherhood, Personal Growth, And A Strong Marriage

In terms of, obviously, after having a baby, the marriage, I'm not saying it takes a backseat, but the priority is the baby. We're at a point where we're really emphasizing a lot more on the way in which, how do we communicate better? How do we spend more quality time now that the baby has the ability to be with a babysitter, and we have a little bit more time together?

Those whole eight hours.

I'll take one hour. It helps a lot. Like right now, we're able to have this conversation because the babysitter has Zen. Tell us about, obviously, you brought to my attention, we need to spend more time together and carve out time and be more efficient with the way that we're spending time when we do have the free time. Let's go over a little bit about the philosophy behind that and how we're making more time to spend with one another.

Going back and being completely honest, our marriage, our relationship, did take a backseat when having the baby, but he didn’t quite realize how much, and it was almost like day after day, it just felt like it was multiplying. It was like, holy shit. I kept telling you, babe, I miss you. I miss you because I hadn’t felt you. We were almost both reaching out but couldn’t really grasp hold of one another because it’s such a shift, and being with him 24/7 is a lot.

I think we were both going through it, and we both knew that we needed to make a change. We both knew it can’t come from just one of us. It has to come from both. I really think we’ve hit some lows in our marriage after having him. We know we are fine and everything is fine and we’ll get back to it, but it’s taken us being proactive with scheduling time to know when the baby goes down. I want to be showered and ready for bed so that we can have a couple of hours together, so that the dog needs to go out every day, when the kitchen is already clean. Everything has been done so that we can have a little time, so that we can really sink into it and not be on our phones, not be scrolling, not be working, and just be with one another.

Even if that’s meditating together, that’s like just turning the TV off and being with one another, holding each other, looking into each other’s eyes, even spending time together when he takes a nap. His naps are rather early in the day. That’s not really a time of day when we would usually cuddle, snuggle, hang out together, go in the bedroom together. Saying, this is our time and we need it. We need to commit to this and this time together. I think it’s just us figuring out a system, a schedule, communication that works because I think there was a little bit of irritability between the two of us. As a mom, you carry most of the mental load, and I think I was getting a little resentful.

You carry the mental load with finance and with the business and things. I was carrying the load of the baby and this new being that I was getting to know, and falling in love with, and then I just realized, this is my role as mommy. This is my greatest honor. How could I ever be resentful for carrying this load? It’s the most beautiful thing. Again, not being a victim of this beautiful being that’s in our home that we get to steward into life through life. That’s my perspective, at least, on balancing and getting back to us.

It’s like balancing the spontaneity of it, but also scheduling the time, because I think because we have so many things going on with the business, and you’re also a part of the business, doing a lot of the marketing and the events. It’s like, it’s easy to get caught up in all the to-do’s that we have, and finding the little nuggets of time when the baby goes down, but the relationship and spending time together and that connection is such a high priority. It’s like the glue that holds all of it together.

Realizing that and understanding on my end how much more I have to step up after having a baby on so many different levels. Just understanding where the amount of what you went through just physically, emotionally, and spiritually, going through and having this child. It’s the greatest lesson of our lives is just to keep evolving together and sitting in that gratitude of having this beautiful soul, but it takes a lot of effort to continue to become the best version of ourselves individually, together, and then, obviously, as parents.

Again, I mentioned earlier about he's an observer. He's observing everything, the way that we're communicating, the way that we're moving, the way that we are touching each other or not touching each other. I know he's only ten months old, but I know that there's so much that he is taking in from us. That realization also made me say, I want him to know mom and dad love each other because then it becomes, he thinks that that is normal. That is what should happen in a marriage. Although he is a little jealous when we hug and kiss and stuff. He does sometimes.

Sometimes he laughs and smiles, and then he gets a little irritable. That's so beautiful for you to share. If we were blessed enough to do this again, which obviously is the plan, how would you do it differently, or is there anything that you would do differently?

I already mentioned the home birth aspect of it, where I think I need that for my body to just sink into the moment and for things to take place. Maybe the next birth will take another 52 hours, but I think that’s probably the route that I would take. I think also turning off the noise earlier. Even into motherhood, I was still in the noise of milestones and this and that and shouldn’t, shouldn’t. I’ve really learned now to just own our decisions, trust our decisions. I think turning off the noise, and I really think my first trimester when pregnant with Zen, I was really in the physical aspect of having a baby. Even just, what crib do we want to have? Which ironically, he doesn’t even sleep in a crib. We go sleep. The kid is just sitting there. It’s beautiful and never used.

Sometimes, I put dry clothes that were in the dryer inside of it until the next day.

Some things in there that we need to put away the next day. We saw in the physical of prepping for that, I wish I would have spent more time connecting with and like being in the spiritual realm of in preparing spiritually. This next time, I think will obviously be way more mindful of that. I think those are the only things that I can think of at the moment.

Is there any advice or offerings, wisdom nuggets that you want to share with any expecting mothers or mothers that just became a mom?

I think what I mentioned of turning out the noise, everybody loves to tell you horror stories, everybody loves to give you advice. I think turning that off really early and trusting. Again, motherhood is just one big trust fall. I think just be in it. No stage lasts forever. They go by so fast. Whether that is pregnancy, just enjoy it because now that I'm no longer pregnant, and the baby is here, I haven't thought about pregnancy, almost ever.

Advice For New Moms: Trust Yourself And Enjoy Every Moment

The extra week in a couple of days past 40 weeks that I was still pregnant, thinking like, "I'm late." I wasn't late. That was one more week we got to spend together, and I got to relax and just connect with him inside of me. I think just be in whatever stage they're in, because none of those stages ever last forever. That's really it. I don't offer too much advice to mamas because I don't want to be one more thing, one more person adding to the noise. My advice is just always that, turn off the noise and trust your gut.

I want to thank you so much for coming on this podcast. It's absolutely been the adventure of a lifetime to meet you. We were destined to be together and then to create a baby and adopt a doggie. Life gets better every single day with you, and I am so proud of you as a mom. It is literally the most beautiful thing to witness how he looks at you, how he smiles at you, how he cuddles you. That's what divinity is. That boy is certainly divine. He knows he's loved. It's all because of his mama and his father.

You guys have a really beautiful bond as well. It's growing by the day, which I'm a little nervous about, to be quite honest.

What are you nervous about?

The dad may take over, like he's not quite a mama's boy, like he's very in between the two of us. His smile for you is like he's known you for lifetimes. The way he lights up with you. It's been an honor to watch you become a father, for him to fall in love with us, and our family, and the love and all the things we're creating within this home. Thank you.

Thank you, and looking forward to the next.

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About Kate Griffith

Kate Griffith is a Breathwork, Reiki, and Sound Healing Practitioner & Mindset Coach. Her own healing journey led her to leave a successful career in Corporate Sales to follow her purpose & passion- to guide others to find a deepened sense of self & empowerment. Kate became a mama in February of 2024, the greatest role of her life, the birth of her son led to advocating for peaceful birth, mother's rights & trusting their bodies.