Episode 59: Surviving The Hardest Times Through The Power Of Surrender With Zofia Rennea Morales
Are you seeking to understand why life throws certain challenges your way, over and over? Each one of us is here on earth to unlock our superhero powers, yet some of us just haven't tapped into this innate potential. Today’s guest is here to help make this transformation for us. Welcome to the Limitless one podcast, I am your host Anand J. Sukhadia. Let’s create some magic together.
Our guest, Zofia Rennea Morales is an award-winning global strategist and former biophysicist. She had it all - a hi-powered career, loving husband, gorgeous properties, adventure, good friends, you name it. She was living the dream until her fast-paced life screeched to a halt and left her in pieces. Brought to the edge of death by undiagnosed chronic Lyme Disease, and was left bankrupt in every area of her life. Desperate for a miracle, Zofia cried her most heartfelt prayer "I will do anything to get better". This single prayer triggered an unanticipated kundalini awakening; a spiritual activation that unlocked Zofia’s gifts as an intuitive, healer, and mystic changing her life completely. ZofiaRennea Morales is now the host of the talk radio program Sovereign Self and the creator of the Conscious Enlightenment Process.
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Surviving The Hardest Times Through The Power Of Surrender With Zofia Rennea Morales
Welcome to the show, ZofiaRennea Morales. Thank you so much for coming on.
I'm excited to be here as well.
This is the first time that we're going to be speaking, and I'm getting to know you, but I've listened to a bunch of your podcasts. I was impressed by your energy and your purposeful life. I love people with a great story. I'd love to learn more about that. Before we start, I wanted to ask you, what does living a limitless life mean to you?
It means unlearning a bunch of stuff that I learned growing up, first of all. It means stepping into the acceptance of me being part of oneness, being part of source, God, creator, whatever name you want to put on that. That's when the limits start to melt away. I find it tends to be this multi-phase process because these layers of stuff have been put on us to keep us in separation. It's like the virtual reality equipment that we're sent with.
You have to take off the gloves and the headsets and all of the things that take you into separation so that you can see the truth of what's behind all of this, which is we are all oneness and divine deep in our core. For some of us, it's buried much deeper than others. It's an interesting perspective because it starts to pull you out of judgment. You have to be in a judgment-free place to wholeheartedly completely step into the limitless aspect.
That judgment prevents us so much. We're all one. These me suits, our skin color, the politics of the day, everything in society is designed to show us that we are separate. That's the biggest illusion that this world has. If we can cut that with a knife and understand that, when we release judgment of ourselves, first of all, because any kind of insecurities about others always stem from what we are lacking or the thoughts are going on in our ourselves.
I want to pinpoint that a little bit because that's a huge first step that can be an amazing tool for you as you're moving forward. I know it is for me on a regular basis is watching my thoughts and noticing when those judgment things pop up because they do. You'll be watching the news and it's like, “I can't believe that person.” Now it's time for you to turn that around and look at yourself and go, “What is it in me that makes me judge that person?” That's the next thing that's up for you to work on.
Everything is a mirror. Everything, everyone that you see on the outside, you're looking at through your foggy goggles if they are foggy or if they're loving. Everyone can be your enemy, or everybody can be your soulmate in many ways. It's important to look within first because we are the creators of our universe. Each one of us is our own universe. We're co-creating at the same time. It'll be a beautiful day. I hope to see it in my lifetime when that fog is lifted and everyone sees the beauty within each other.
If you pay attention to your life, I know, looking back, even on the moments before I awakened, there would be these moments of what I want to say, time out of time, almost, because many years before I awoke, I was carjacked. I'd gone to Walmart. I'm loading my stuff in the car. I get in the car and somebody gets into the passenger seat next to me. Your first reaction to that as a human being is, “What the fuck? Who are you? Get the hell out of my car.” That's the normal response. I opened my mouth to do that. This great peace and calm came over me that pushed my personality and that reaction to the side. I looked at this person and I said, “Are you alright? How can I help you?”
That was not my first reaction. I don't think it wasn't a reaction that came from my personality level, the incarnated aspect of myself. This was my higher self stepping in and going, “You don't want to go down that road. This is going to work out better.” I can remember. It was two of me in my body as I was going through this experience. This calm, wise part of myself that had arrived kept prompting my personality, “Ask him about himself. Ask him what it is that he needs. Find out more about what's going on in his life.” He's telling me this story about his girlfriend in the hospital. They're new in town. She's delivering their first child. I'm asking him all the questions you ask somebody in that circumstance, “Have you chosen a name? Are your parents excited to be grandparents?”
The personality part of myself is seeing the discontinuities in his story because he's making it up as he goes along. He's lying to me. My personality knows that he's lying to me and wants to call him on it. The wise part of me that has arrived is like, “Hush. It doesn't matter whether he's telling you the truth or not. What matters is that you connect with him and you see him as a human being.” He's giving me directions, this guy who's new to town, purportedly to the hospital. I've lived in this place for quite a while. I know that's not where the hospital is, but I'm following all the directions. He directs me into this closed, abandoned gas station parking lot, the dark side next to the building.
I'm like, “This is not a good situation.” The wise part of me reminds me that I've got $60 in my checking account that I'd set aside to give to the church. I looked at him and I said, “I would not like to leave you out here in this dark place. I would be concerned for your safety. I know that you probably have a need of some extra money because of this child coming into the world. I got this money I was going to donate to the church. Let's cut out the middleman. Do you know where there's an ATM?” He gives me directions to the ATM. I take out the $60, hand it to him, and ask him if he wants me to take him back to that parking lot. He says, “No.” He directs me to a little better section of town at the corner under a street light. He gets out and he leaves.
That was an interesting experience. The instant he got out of the car, the wise aspect of me took off. It was profound because I know when he got in that car, none of that was his intention. Something shifted for him in those moments of being the center, the most important person in my world in that moment and receiving, for lack of a better word, love and attention from someone.
That's what many people seek. Anyone who inflicts pain or intends to inflict pain, it's because they're in pain. You're almost like shocking him with being loving rather than being, “Don't hurt me.” You're seeing how you can be of service in that moment. We're all in crazy situations every day. This one is obviously extreme. For you to have that insight, it's almost like you had an activation, but on some level, you activated him to flip the heart from being closed to being open. Now he looked after you to bring you back to a place that was a little bit safer and then he simply walked away rather than going who knows what his whatever plan was.
I never saw what he had in his hand next to the seat or any of that because it was clear he was hiding something. The other thing that was a blessing about that situation that was unexpected to me is that many people would walk around traumatized and freaking out every time that they were getting in their car in a dark parking lot after an event like that. I had none of that. I put it down to the fact that my higher self came in and completely took the wheel. There was none of that adrenaline reaction that would have created those PTSD pathways in my brain. This is a scientist discussing it again now. Yeah. I walked away from it completely unscathed as well.
Power Of Surrender: Sometimes, the best thing to do in a dangerous situation is to let your higher self come in and take the wheel.
The entire time, there was no physiological reaction on your part in terms of elevated heart or cortisol release or any of that stuff.
No, it was this complete calm and comfort and knowing that everything would be completely okay the entire way through it. It was profound. In fact, I had completely forgotten about the incident for several years until I was in outside sales and Walmart again. What is it with Walmart parking lots?
Stay away from that place.
I came out and there were several people panhandling in front of this Walmart. It's like, “No, sorry.” I kept on walking. This particular gentleman took offense to the fact that I had chosen not to stop and engage with him and followed me back to my car. He had other people with him. They were doing this aggressive stuff for my perceived rudeness. I got in my car and I drove away. I told my girlfriend about it later. She's like, “You could've been hurt. You could have been killed.” All the coulda wouldas. It was in that moment that I was reminded of the initial carjacking back in the day, which was probably, on its face, a more threatening situation than these guys even following me back to my car, which was what brought it back into my conscious memory. That's probably part of the reason I wasn't especially panicked when I was getting hassled the second time. “Everything's fine. There's nothing for me to be worried about here,” was the attitude.
Going through things like that gives you perspective in the future in every situation. It could be a minor one or a major one, knowing that you'll be okay as long as you keep aligned with that highest truth of yours, which is compassion and higher love for everyone, even if they can't see it themselves.
Even holding it when you do have to say no. On that particular day, I was on the timetable that needed to be met. It's like, “No, I don't have time to interact with you. I'm not in a position to interact with you.” At my core, I didn't feel like this was a circumstance I was supposed to be engaged with, so I didn’t. That's okay. There are moments when no is the appropriate response.
Holding your boundaries, for sure. Can you tell us a little bit about your background? I would love to know how you became Zofia, standing here now, and your spiritual and awakening that you've had.
That's a much bigger story. If we're going all the way back to my childhood, we all come into this world turned on to some degree or another. If you watch small children, there are no atheist children. We all, on some level, remember the unconditional love, the beauty of what's on the other side, the magic. We look for the magic in the day-to-day as kids, but it's oftentimes trained out of us and sometimes pretty extremely trained out of us. I was raised in a conservative Lutheran household. There was no drinking and dancing.
All of us, on some level, remember unconditional love. But oftentimes, that is trained out of us.
Anything that was remotely miraculous was considered to be of the devil because that doesn't happen anymore. This is what I was with. Jesus was the last one that worked any miracles on Earth and forget about it. Anything else is of the devil. I had prescient dreams as a child. It scared me so much that I had to shut it down because I was concerned about my family completely rejecting me, or worse yet, trying to have an exorcism or something crazy like that because I'm having these prophetic dreams. I shut it down, and I shut it down hard as a child.
How old were you when you were aware that you had these visions and these ideas, these dreams, and then you knew that your parents or your family weren't going to accept it? How do you like to navigate that as a young child?
I was in first grade, 7, 8 years old, something like that. Initially, I was having them, but not telling anyone I was having them. That was the first step. It got to the point, it's like, “I've got to tell somebody.” I told a classmate of mine who is about my age. I'm like, “This is weird. This is what's going on.” She freaked out, which is what took it to the level of freak out for me and the realization that a lot of bad stuff can probably come out of this. It was in that moment that I made this, it was like a full being commitment to not doing that.
The dreams stopped. They went away. I don't think it shut down all of my spiritual superpowers because I've always known the answers to things. They call it clear cognizance. That one didn't get shut off, but that one I could kind of explain away because I was a bright kid and a voracious reader. If somebody ever asked me, “How do you know that?” It would be like, “I must have read it somewhere.”
I was able to kind of palm it off that way. My parents could have been oriental parents. “You will get an education. You will get to a high degree. You will go out and be a doctor,” or something like that. Doctors, lawyers, that kind of thing. That was their objective.
I know it all too well.
I had a feeling you would probably resonate with that kind of parenting. I knew from kindergarten, I can remember walking home from kindergarten, trying to figure out how many years it was going to be before I graduated from high school. I knew college was at least 3 or 4 years beyond that. I figured I would probably be the old age of 20 by the time I had all this done. I knew from that moment that I was supposed to put myself through school. My parents were clear that I needed to go on a scholarship because they didn't have the money to send me. It's not just get good grades, it's get the best grade because you're going to have to outcompete all these other kids when it comes to applying to school.
That was the focus of my life. The farther I went through the educational process, the fewer friends I had because I got to outcompete all my classmates. They don't like that. It does terrible things for your socialization in school. The other thing was it took me farther away from that connectedness with source, that spontaneous inspiration. I can remember by the time I was in high school, even the clear cog stuff had started to go down and tail off. That was the one that I hadn't deliberately shut down. I was doing a good job of disconnecting from oneness. I went through college and I graduated. I went on to grad school to study Biophysics. Uber nerd over here.
I did it all on scholarship and fellowship. It was a financial blessing, but it was not a social blessing. By the time I got into young adulthood and out into my career, I was completely humanistic. 2 plus 2 equals 4. It's got to be replicatable. I've got to see the proof. We have to be able to measure to be able to say that it's truth or untruth. Anything that was remotely colloquial or word of mouth was completely dismissed by me. That's where I started the actual journey back from, which was this extreme scientific, rational, logical mind position. When your soul wants you to wake up, it will make sure that you wake up. It'll start with small, gentle nudges, people telling you stories.
When your soul wants you to wake up, it will make sure that you wake up.
My mother-in-law, for my second marriage, is a fay person. She is connected to the angels. She sees miracles all over the place. I love her to death. She is sweet, loving, and wonderful, the opposite of my biological mother, accepting of all kinds of things. She was extremely loving and accepting of me. I did not verbally share my reactions to her thanking her angels for parking spots right in front of the door. I was like, “Yes, that's nice. I love you. I'm not going to make fun of you or mock you for that. We've always gotten along well. She turned out to be a huge blessing to me, ultimately, in my journey. That’s where I started. My husband is also logical and rational-minded, not to the same extreme I was, but we're compatible. He's also a scientist. He's also an uber-nerd.
I was getting these small invitations. My mother-in-law was a small invitation that I walked past. People tell stories of waking up. There was this book that fell off the shelf in front of me in the bookstore or hit me on the head or whatever. I had some jumping books. I would put them back on the shelf and go, “I wish these people would shelve the books back.” When you don't take the little invitations, you start to get bigger invitations. I started to get ill. I'd been very ill for a while, but it started to become problem troublesome. I started actively trying to look at what was going on. Innocuously enough, I'm tired all the time.
It started quite a few decades ago. They didn't have as many options for why you might be tired all the time. Over the years, I would go back to the doctor and complain about it feels like somebody's thrown another rock into my back sack every year and it's that much harder to schlep this thing through the world. It seems to be harder for me than it is for people who are also my age, my peers. It's more like I'm a couple of decades older than I am in a lot of ways. I can remember having this conversation with my mother, who's 30 years older than I am. I was saying, “I've got this happening and that happening and the other thing happening.” She's like, “You've got more ailments than I have. This is not a good situation.”
The thing that amped up the search on that front was I started to forget things, not like I put down my keys and I don't remember where I put them, or my glasses or whatever, because I set them down without the presence of mind when I did it. I'm forgetting words. I'm walking into the room and starting to do why I came into the room and I forget why I'm there doing what I'm doing. This is 90-year-old people. This is not 40-year-old forgetfulness, entire words. My husband would come home and say, “What happened today?” I could not tell him anything that happened today. If I did remember what happened, I didn't have the words to describe what happened any longer. It’s scary, forgetful stuff.
I describe it like you go to the garage. I'm going to go get something from the garage. You open up the door where the garage ought to be in. The garage is gone. It's blank. I'm going to go back to where I was. I closed the door and turned around to go back in the house and the house was gone now, too. That's the kind of forgetfulness we're talking about here. It's concerning. I'm ramping up my efforts to figure out what's going on. I've gotten a lot of diagnoses of this thing or that thing. It's like, “You've got some high cholesterol, but we'll figure that out. Your blood sugar's a little off. We'll figure that out. You've got some food allergies. You need to avoid a few things,” but it's not fixing the problem.
I'm still exhausted as heck. It's getting worse because I'm catching every little thing that goes around. It's gotten to the point that I don't even have to leave the house for that to happen. My husband will come home from work with something. He won't catch it, but he'll give it to me and I'll be out for weeks. I'm getting to the point that this big, beautiful, logical-minded brain of mine is completely going to pieces. I'm sick so often. I can't hold down a job. Employers think six or so days of sick time a year and that's about right. I was blowing through that in a month. That's not a good situation to be in. It’s keep searching for answers.
At first, I looked for more specialized doctors, but then I had this realization that they're in silos. My problem is not a silo kind of problem. It's an overall more holistic kind of thing. I started looking at, “What kind of doctors look at the whole organism and are more specialized than a general practitioner?” which is what you typically see. I discovered functional medicine doctors. I'm going to go find me one of those. At that point, the money went away because things had been changing in my husband's industry. It's getting harder for him to find a job. The jobs that he finds are getting shorter. This gets hard on the finances in a hurry, especially when the other partner can't work and is sick because it sucks up more money than healthy.
No insurance for that kind of thing.
Back at the time that he started losing his job on a fairly regular basis, it was before there was Obamacare and they had to cover preexisting stuff. I'm accumulating all kinds of preexisting stuff, so the insurance is working less and less. They're like, “We already know you have high cholesterol, so we're not covering anything for that. We know you've got high blood sugar. We're not going to cover any of that.” They start checking all of this stuff off. “We're not covering the allergy stuff.” It becomes increasingly financially burdensome. When he reenters his employment, it's harder for us to dig out from under the financial pile of stuff that has piled up. Our savings are going down with each of these. It's not coming back as fast as it had previously.
We're in this financial debt spiral in a lot of ways. We had moved out to Arizona for a job that was supposed to be 3 to 5 years for him. The pay on it was good. It was a project he was excited about that he thought he could make a difference with. There immediately started to be some red flags things with that position after he started it, because they were weird about the money side of things. They told him, “We’ve raised $20 million to do this drug project.” He does drug development. $20 million, you can get somewhere with that in drug development. It's not going to get you all the way, but it'll get you to a point where you can get a larger partner with deeper pockets to take it over the line.
They were giving him little tiny drips of money. It's like, “You can have $5,000 to go do this.” He's like, “It's a $40,000 project. $5,000 isn't going to do anything on this.” After twelve months, they finally came clean with him and told him they had spent almost all of their $20 million before bringing him on board and had goose eggs to show for it. We were given one month's notice that they would downsize him. At that point, we had some serious conversations that had to be had because it was clear that his industry had changed so profoundly that he needed to change his qualifications to get the kind of jobs he needed to have. He's debating, “Do I get a Juris Doctor? What do I put with this? Should it be an MBA? What's it going to be?”
At the same time as we're going, “What are we going to do? Our income is at zero. We haven't managed to build our savings up at all to speak of. I can't work. What are we going to do?” We came to the conclusion that it had to be bankruptcy. You can't budget zero. There's nothing you can do with that. We didn't have savings to speak of because it was all debt still from the relocation that had brought us out there and my own health stuff. There's nothing left to do. There were no other options. I had always thought of bankruptcy as committing bankruptcy. I'm like, “I'm stealing from someone.” My willingness and desire to embrace this solution are zero.
I don't like the idea at all, but I don't see an alternative. We made an agreement as a couple that that's what we're going to do. We're not going to hide it. If anyone needs to know, we will let them know this is the circumstances we're in and why we're here. It's not that we did anything wrong or deliberately set out to run up a bunch of debt and then drop it on banks and creditors and stuff. Life took us that way. I went looking for a bankruptcy attorney and he decided he needed an MBA. We looked for an MBA program at the same time. These are mutually exclusive things in my mind because it takes money to get an MBA. They aren't cheap.
When you're in bankruptcy, if you have any money at all, the trustee gets all of it to settle what they can of your debts. You can't take out any loans or do any of that kind of thing while you're in bankruptcy. I have no clue how we're supposed to do both of these things at the same time, but it's quite clear that this is what has to happen. I was led to a bankruptcy attorney. I say led to because there are dozens of them in our area. Generally, attorneys are responsive. There was only one that responded to any of my inquiries. I don't think that's an accident. It's because he was the one we were supposed to be working with. He turned out to be brilliant at what he did.
This is the beginning of what I call my running at walls set of lessons. A lot of times, your soul journey is completely illogical, but it's the direction you're supposed to go. I call it running at walls because I've discovered the faster I go down that road towards that brick wall, the sooner I discover that A) The brick wall is not a thing, or B) There's a sharp left turn right before I get to it that I couldn't have seen from any other angle than right up there pressed against that wall. We went down this road of getting him an MBA and declaring bankruptcy at the same time. The lawyer didn't even bat an eye because you have to give them your whole financial picture and everything. He's like, “Here's what you're going to do.”
Power Of Surrender: Your soul journey is often completely illogical, but it's the direction you're supposed to go.
He gave us the directions for how we could access some of our retirement money to pay that first trimester's worth of tuition without the trustee gaining the right to then access the rest of it. If you approach that incorrectly, the trustee can then seize what they would not have otherwise been entitled to seize. He had an answer for that. I'm like, “We'll go do that.” My husband started on the degree program. We still have zero income because he still hasn't found a job. The lawyer was like, “I know you'd like to declare Chapter 7 bankruptcy.” That's the one where they go in with a big eraser and go, “It's all gone. Move on with your life.” He said, “The problem with that is the trustee for that kind of bankruptcy here in our county has made it a specialty of his to bust into retirement accounts.”
“If you go down that road, I promise you he will do everything within his power to take every cent that you have. I'd like to see you at least leave with what you've set aside for retirement.” “What do you suggest?” “I want you to go Chapter 13, which is a payer bankruptcy, which means you have to have income,” which we don't have. I'm like, “We'll do that. What number are we aiming for? What would be an optimal amount of income?” He said, “You need to have $50,000 or less a year because that'll get you the shortest payer bankruptcy you can have.” I went home and I told my husband what the dealio was there. He's like, “I don't know where we're coming up with it, but we'll continue this as a plan.”
It was shortly after that conversation, he was invited to help out a buddy of his who was doing a professional conference happened to be back in the place we had moved from. My husband's like, “I'll come along and help you man your booth. No big deal.” The dude was like, “I'll pay for your airfare and your hotel and your food. Just help me out.” That works out well for my husband because now he's in a place where people who need his services are all congregated.
Put yourself in the position that you want to be in. Put yourself amongst those people.
He's like, “I will go and do that. No big deal.” He came back from that professional conference with a job at exactly $50,000 a year back in the place that we had come from, which is the other running-at-walls situation. When you're in bankruptcy, if you change states, you end up under a different set of rules. As it was, we were having to run out the clock a little bit to get the Arizona rules. If we both moved back to Indiana, now we're starting over again under a whole new set of rules. It's clear that we both can't go. I talked to the attorney and he's like, “It only requires one of you to be in Arizona. The other one can be wherever.” We're going to send my husband back to Indiana.
I don't know how he's going to live or survive in Indiana because all of the money is already allotted within the bankruptcy. It's this amount for your housing and it's this amount for your food and it's this amount for your medical. There's anything beyond that the trustee gets. I have no idea how we will have two households, but it's clear that he has to go get this job if we have the money for the bankruptcy.
We send him on out there. I was in outside sales. That was my last position in that state. I had a bunch of email addresses. I'm like, “I'm going to send an email to everybody that I ever knew back there and find out if somebody's got a guest room he can crash in for a while, give him a shelf in the refrigerator, place to park the car and Wi-Fi. That's what he needs.” I sent an email off to everybody that I knew, describing our situation, asking for that. “By the way, he's deathly allergic to cats. If you have a cat, we can't accept.”
I said, “Tell me how much you want for that. I recognized that this is not a favor. You need to be compensated for this.” I sent that off to everybody that I knew. I got a bunch of, “We're terribly sorry to hear that. We can't help you. We moved our nieces into the guest room.” I got one that I totally didn't expect. I got one that said, “I have an empty condo that I cannot rent out because it's in an over 55 community. I'm prohibited from doing that. I cannot sell it because it's completely upside down. I can't keep up with this empty condo because I've got too much stuff going on in my life. It would help me tremendously if he would live there and keep it up. All he needs to do is pay the utilities.”
“Yes, that’s my price point, zero.” We had a place for him to live against all odds and a much better place for him to live than somebody's spare bedroom. He's got the whole place to himself, total privacy. You don't have to worry about disturbing anybody else's rhythms or habits. It's like, “This is incredible.” We got some health insurance out of the deal because his job has health insurance. The problem with the health insurance is that it only covers people in Indiana, which is the state we are sending him back to. It doesn't help me much yet, but we finally did get the bankruptcy filed. My dad agreed to pay for the moving truck for me to go and be with my husband once we had the bankruptcy filed. Now I can look for a doctor to figure out what's going on with me.
I started to look for what I described as a zebra. I looked for a functional medicine doctor who would take insurance, which they're few and far between because they tend to run tests that the insurance company is like, “No, we're not paying for that.” Most of them have decided they don't want to fight with the insurance company to try to get things covered. The majority of functional medicine doctors out there are like, “No, this is the price. It's cash pay. We don't mess with insurance. You can try and get it reimbursed from your insurance if you want, but we don't play that game.” I found one who did take insurance. I went to see him. It was a useful experience. I found a bunch of stuff that I didn't know previously.
I managed to get off antidepressants because we discovered I have what they call a methylation defect. Methylation is how your body turns on and off different biochemical reactions in your system. It'll up-regulate certain hormones. It'll downregulate other hormones. It is power and control. It turns out that the switch to regulate my feel-good hormones in my brain is what's broken. That's why I've been on antidepressants for so much of my life. The good news is you can fix that because if your DNA is messed up, this is like the building plan filed with the county is wrong. You can easily fix that by producing a copy of the RNA that's used on-site. You give a corrected copy to the engineer or the construction manager on-site, and they'll build it properly if you give them a corrected copy.
Power Of Surrender: Taking so many antidepressants can mess up your brain's feel-good hormones. Thankfully, you can easily fix that using a corrected copy of your RNA.
That's what RNA is. It's like the corrected copy. You can get that as drops under your tongue. It didn't fix any of the problems that were plaguing me. I was still getting sick. I'm still exhausted. I'm still all those things, but I do love that I'm off the antidepressants. He checked a bunch of other stuff and it didn't come back as anything significant. He sat me down and he said, “We're going to have to retest you for Lyme.” I'd previously been tested for Lyme disease and had shared that with him. the Lyme disease test returned negative. The approved Lyme disease test has a problem with it that most doctors don't understand. The doctor who'd run it probably didn't even realize this problem.
You tend to think if you go in to get a test, if it's yes or no. There are two things that are needed to make a test fit that conceptualization. The first one is that it needs to be extremely specific. If it comes back with a yes, it is yes for that specific thing. It's not yes for something that's similar to it. Lyme disease is good with that one. That test is specific. If it comes back as Lyme disease, it is Lyme disease and nothing else. The thing that Lyme disease is not good on is a thing they call sensitivity. That is important because you want a test that's sensitive enough to find low levels of disease in order to make sure you don't have it.
If you have to be in a condition where a lot of it is floating around for it to come back positive, that leaves you in a circumstance where you can be tested for it. It can come back negative and yet you still have it. That's the problem with the Lyme disease test. It's not sensitive enough to pick it up in certain stages of the disease because Lyme has three different forms that it can take in your body. The test is only going to detect one of those. If your disease is not in that stage primarily, it won't see it. I'm like, “How do we find out if we have Lyme?” There are a couple of other tests for Lyme that look for the other two stages. Those aren't the ones that are accepted by the CDC, but they are accurate. They do help doctors determine that you have Lyme, just the other two forms.
We ran those tests and it came back that I have Lyme disease. Those two were both screamingly positive. I've got the answer now to what has been eating my brain because Lyme is a relative of syphilis. If you remember high school health, untreated syphilis will literally eat your brain. That's what's happening at this point. It has gotten to the point that it's eating my brain. I have an answer and now I'm like, “Fabulous. What do we do?” He says, “I have this protocol. It's two years long. 70% chance of success.” I'm like, “70% is pretty good.” If you've been around or know anyone who's struggled with Lyme disease, the success rate of getting rid of that is not good. 70%, I like that. We started on the protocol. He gave me the first set of oral antibiotics.
It's a complicated protocol. There are rotating antibiotics. They're IV antibiotics. They're clearing IVs that he wants to give every couple of weeks because Lyme is super toxic. It gets more toxic as time goes on. When you kill it, it jumps up the toxicity ten times. It blows open and drops all of the toxins at once. The clearing IVs are a really important part of this. Looking at all of this stuff and running a calculator on it in my deteriorated state, I can't tell you the exact number because I never got the same total, but they all arrived at around $27,000 to $28,000 for the first year.
I'm in bankruptcy. My husband's making 1/3 of what he normally does. There is no way I can pay for this. Let's call the insurance and see what they have to say. I called the insurance that day and explained the situation to the nice lady on the phone. Her exact words back to me are, “We don't believe in chronic Lyme.” Isn't that fucking convenient for you?
We kicked it around and I discovered they would pay for two months of oral antibiotics and then they were out. They were pulling the rip cord. The lion's share of this program is going to be us paying for it out of our pockets, which we've already established is not a possibility. I got a lesson in that moment on the questions that you ask. When she said two months of oral antibiotics, I thought in my mind, “Shit, can it get any worse than this?” You don't ever want the universe to answer that question for you. I said “No, don't ask that. You're inviting more trouble when you ask that question.” I got it immediately because as I'm getting off the phone with her, she says, “Yes. You need to know your doctor is no longer in network.”
If you are in a challenging situation, do not ask the universe if your situation can get any worse. You're just inviting more trouble when you say that.
Charming. Not even the doctor visits are going to be covered at this point. That was a really low moment for me. I sat down and I reviewed my options when I got off the phone with her insurance out of the picture. We're in bankruptcy. We can't get a loan. My husband's working full-time and going to grad school full-time. He's barely sleeping between that and taking care of me because I'm not able to carry my share of the household. What the freak are we going to do? We can't get a loan. We're in bankruptcy. I can't get a job, which would be the obvious choice because at this point, I went from getting sick all the time and not being able to tell him what happened earlier in the day to the point of I can't go into the kitchen to make a simple 30-minute meal in 30 minutes.
It takes me three hours because I'm continually forgetting where I am and what I'm doing and having to figure it out over again before I can take the next step. To say that I'm not functional is a grand understatement. I could think of only one other place to turn. I'd been raised with some pretty strict parents, a Norwegian and a German, to be specific. I was told from an early age, “When you turn eighteen, you are responsible for your own self. Do not expect to move home into the basement. Don't call for loans. Don't do any of that because you're an adult and you will take care of your own stuff.” I lived my life that way. Up to this point, it had worked out fairly well. I thought perhaps this one might be an exception.
I called up and I talked to my father. The bank of dad was empty. That night when we went to bed, I thought, “What am I going to do?” My brain was like this trapped squirrel bouncing off all of the walls over and over again. My disease had gotten the point where sleep wasn't a thing that was happening to me. My brain wasn't going through those normal processes anymore. I discovered that if I could meditate, I would feel a little bit better in the morning. It wasn't quite as good as going to sleep, but at least, I felt more refreshed and not as strung out. That night, there was no way I was meditating. I was continuing to go down all these dead ends of, “Maybe I can get a job. Maybe we can get a loan.” There wasn't anything. It was about 3:00 in the morning that I stopped. I don’t know if you want to call it to surrender, but I accepted that I did not have the answer.
In that moment of quiet and stoppage, it occurred to me that I might want to pray. My childhood with the religion I was raised under, the God that they teach you about is not a pretty God. It's not a nice God. It's not a forgiving God. It's a cruel and vindictive God. I sat with that for a little while and I thought about that. This was the first moment where I started to separate the divine from the religious stuff I was taught. The religious stuff I was taught, that's not a God I'm willing to go talk to. What I knew in my heart and the thing that I got in trouble for when I was young was questioning things like, “If God is love, why would he have you go and wipe out another people to take over their land? Why would he ask you to sacrifice your only son to him? Why would he do any of that that's cruel and mean and terrible?”
I especially don't think he's going to send somebody to hell because they were not exposed to our particular brand of Lutheranism. It's a tiny fraction of all the people in the world. I can't believe that. In that moment, I decided I was going to pray to the God that I knew and understood. I said, “God, I'll do anything to get better.” I immediately got an answer to that prayer in the form of a small voice in the back of my mind that said, “Anything?” The scientist went, “Woohoo.” The voice has a point. Anything is a large commitment and it doesn't have any edges on it. I thought about, “What would be my limitations around that anything?” My limitations are I'm not going to kill someone. I'm not going to promote war. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to cheat. I'm not going to steal from other people.
I believe in treating other people with respect, and none of that is in any way respectful. I thought about what I know about God as opposed to the religious God I was trained about. I came to the conclusion that I can promise anything to the God that I know and understand, who is loving and compassionate. I decided I need to be clear. I said, “God, for you, I will do anything.” I got my first miracle because I feel truly asleep for the first time in a month. I woke in the morning with a clarity that I had to go get one of these clearing IVs, even though I had no idea how it would pay for it.
I went in for the IV. I'm sitting in the infusion room. The doctor walks into the infusion room, which is not a place he normally goes at all. I waved him over and explained the situation and what the insurance people had said. He smiled. He got excited when I told him insurance wasn't involved anymore. I'm like, “Okay.” He says, “You have all the choices now.” “Good. Inform me of what my choices are.” We have this naturopath herbalist who's on staff and has amazing success rates with parasitic infections. Lyme is a parasitic infection. You should go see him and see what he has to say. He treats everything with herbs. The herbs are like $30 or $40 a bottle. His appointments in the office are half the price of mine.
I'm like, “Fabulous. That's a much more achievable set of numbers, even though I still don't know how I will reach those.” The information always arrives at the point that you're ready to hear it. If I'd been presented with this option a few weeks earlier, I'd went not herbalism. It's all stories. We don't know for a fact that it works. They haven't done a bunch of studies on it. It's not replicatable, all that stuff.
We've been running through all these walls. I go to see the herbalist who's running late that day. There's a book in the waiting room. Since he's running late, I'm looking for something to do with myself. The book says, “The emotion code on the front.” Raised by a German and a Norwegian, I've been taught that you don't have emotions. If you have emotions, you pretend you don't have emotions. You shove them way down and ignore them. I'd spent a couple of decades in talk therapy trying to take the heat out of all of this repressed stuff. While it was helpful to me in many ways, I was able to leave an abusive ex-husband. The heat around the original trigger remained. If this guy understood emotions, I wanted to understand emotions.
Power Of Surrender: The Emotion Code: How to Release Your Trapped Emotions for Abundant Health, Love, and Happiness (Updated and Expanded Edition)
This is where I get sucked into the magical part of my journey. I forgot to tell people that the herbalist cured my Lyme disease in three months. I will throw that in there. Do not send me emails going, “I have a cousin who this worked with. I don't need the information. It's gone.” I started working through this book, The Emotion Code, like it was an instruction manual. He would say, “Do this,” I would go do this. One of the main things he used was muscle testing, which is something that I, as a scientist, was able to accept because it's a black box. In science, what we call a black box is it's a process that we don't understand how it works, but it will replicate a result reliably. If you put X in, you will always get Y out of a black box process.
Scientists are okay with that because it's replicatable. That's what makes it okay to us. Muscle testing, I could prove that it got me to the truth. I could prove that it did not give me a false result. I was willing to do that. I'm working through all of these trapped emotions and it's helping. By the time I got to the chapter on heart walls, which I knew I had before I even muscle tested, I was like, “This is going to apply to me.” He made a good case to take down the heart wall, which I did. As I'm methodically going through and taking down this heart wall, weird shit starts happening. That's my scientific description for it. I start seeing crossed-over dead people.
I start understanding why people are doing the things that they're doing. I'm a people watcher. Every now and again, you'll see somebody take an action that it's like, “I wonder what led them to the point in their life where that's the logical next choice.” We always take what is to us the logical next choice. I would ask that question in my mind, and I would be shown now why that was the logical next choice for them. The scientist in me is losing her shit. It's like you have much more brain damage than you realized. Your creativity is off into the stratosphere here. You're making up all kinds of things. This is a level of creativity you've never seen with some of these stories and these explanations. I'm discounting everything that's happening and writing it off.
I said a prayer in Hebrew. I've never learned any Hebrew in my life. It just popped out of me. The scientist is like, “You went to a seder] once when you were in college. You must have remembered it from that.” I'm reaching for any explanation I can get. I came home from the grocery store one day and I see my neighbor staggering under her husband's weight trying to get him into the house. They're in their mid-80s. She's half the size of him. The ice cream can melt. I go over and we help him into the house. She's telling me that his kidney situation is bad. She's scared for him and she's got to get an emergency appointment. I'm like, “You go do that. I'm going to stand here and keep him company. Don't you worry about a thing.” She goes to get the doctor's appointment. I'm standing with her husband in the living room.
I know them both to be devout people, some of the finest kind of religious people you can ever meet. They're generous and they're loving and compassionate and they help everyone. They don't judge anyone else's belief systems. The best religious people you can meet. They have that one-on-one relationship with the divine. He closes his eyes. I can see his lips are moving. I feel awkward watching him do this. I went ahead and closed my eyes. In my mind's eye, I saw this little tiny flame. It looked like a pilot light that was on the edge of going out, dancing and flickering.
I said, “Can we do something about that?” I haven't acknowledged who I even asked that question of. The scientists certainly did not ask that question because the scientist would tell you, “Kidney disease is a one-way trip down and out of this world.” Some part of me felt there was a possibility there. The instant I asked that question, it roared up into this great big bonfire. I don't know how big it got because he dropped my hands and my eyes whipped open. He looks at me and says, “Are you a healer?” I'm looking around to see who he is talking to because this has not entered my reality ever. I was saved from having to respond because his wife came in saying that she'd gotten the appointment, but they had to leave right now. She hustled him out into the car.
I hid in my house for two days while the scientist convinced me that nothing had happened and that I was a crappy neighbor. I'm a good Midwestern girl. When your neighbors are in distress, you shovel their sidewalk, you bring over casserole, you do these things. I hadn't done any of those things. I guilted myself next door and was fully convinced that she was planning a funeral or would be in the ICU on a death wash. I tapped on the door. She opened the door with smile. It might be neither of these things. She invites me in and says, “I'm glad you're here because Jay has many questions.” My stomach sunk through my feet because I've got zero answers. I've convinced myself that nothing has happened.
I walk into the living room and there he is looking fat and happy. He's kicked back in his bark lounger. He's got his drink and his remote and his book. “How are you doing, Jay?” He says, “It was the weirdest thing. By the time I got to the doctor, I was feeling pretty good. They ran all the usual battery of tests. My kidney function came back normal.” Not improved, normal. It's been decades since he's had any kind of remotely close to normal kidney function. That was the moment when the scientists had to sit down and shut the fuck up and began to look at the events that had been happening over the past couple of weeks in a different light and recognized that perhaps this is the anything that I agreed to. That's how I woke up. I went kicking and screaming and fighting all the way.
You closed off your gifts at a young age and you kept getting little reminders throughout when you didn't listen, you got the major one. At that point, surrender. When we're fighting our truest selves, we're always going to run into problems and obstacles. When we open up to it, the abundance, the beauty of life, the fulfillment, the purpose all flows in. It's gorgeous to hear that.
One of the things that I like to share with people is that life will continue to be life after you wake up. The world doesn't fundamentally change how it approaches you. You just have better tools to work with it when it shows up. It does become completely amazing and magical in a lot of ways. Life continues to bring things to you. It's not like that process stops, but when life brings you things and you step into it with love and curiosity for how this is going to unfold, it unfolds in ways that you could have never with your mind anticipated. That's where the magic shows up.
One of the things you say in your podcast is talking about living soul first. What does that mean to you?
What that means to me is when I am in a situation where life has occurred. I'm human, I do still have this reaction of, “I can't believe. It's like this terrible setback. What I do, though, is I catch myself and I go, “Human, I've had my reaction. I'm going to set it aside and get curious, and then I'm going to allow for quiet, peaceful space for my intuition, for my higher self to talk to me about what this is about and what my next optimal action is going to be as opposed to allowing the logical mind to lead me down a path.” The logical mind always thinks it has the right answer and it's usually totally the wrong answer. What I mean by living soul first is allowing that intuitive stuff to arrive and not acknowledging it but acting on the intuitive hit after I've asked my mind to take a seat.
What are some of the things that we can do? A lot of people ask me is like, “How do I tap more into my intuition?” For people that are looking to develop this “muscle of intuition,” how can you guide them in terms of getting more in touch with listening and being able to understand and comprehend and connect with that?
It's a righteous cycle as opposed to a negative self-reinforcing cycle. What you want to do is you want to actively invite the intuition at every decision point that you possibly can. It's a building of trust. Frequently, it's best to start with something small, like, what's the best path to go to the grocery store? This was one that I practiced early on. It's like, “Should I go right or left to go to the grocery store?” My mind knows the shortest path to the grocery store, but that's maybe not always the optimal path. There may be a reason for you to go in a different direction. Building trust with going in the intuitive direction. One of the things that unfolded for me as I was going through this process because the brain thinks, “It should be more efficient. It should directly benefit me in some fashion.”
I discovered when I started going places by using this should I go left or right: I was almost always sent past “trouble”, somebody who was in a difficult moment. There's a car accident. There's an ambulance in front of their house. There's a fire truck. Whatever it is. I will be sent past these places and I would ask, “Am I to stop and render assistance or what is it?” Oftentimes, I was not to stop at all, but I was to share love and compassion onto that situation as I drove past it, which meant I started arriving instead of earlier on time, perhaps a little bit late to places. After a bunch of that had happened, I started asking my spiritual guides because we all have spiritual guides.
It's like a moonshot. Houston is over there. There's help available to you. I started asking, it's like, “Why am I being sent past all of these places? Why am I not arriving on time or early like my rational mind wants me to?” I was told that my energy was what was required there. The fact that I send love, compassion, and blessings to the situations makes a difference in how they play out. I was also shared that I will never miss anything that's intended for me by doing this.
Looking back on those circumstances, I have to say that that's the case because even in the times when I arrived late and I was texting people from the car, it's like, I was stuck in traffic and it's going to be twenty minutes or something. I'm going to be late. Please, be patient with me. When I arrived, it was always the perfect time for the people on the other end as well because something else had happened to them. They were also arriving late or there was a delay in starting whatever event it was. It always worked out perfectly.
I started to share what I consider mantras with myself. The mind wants to get in there and go, “You're going to be late again. This is terrible.” I would counter that with there's always exactly enough time. I always arrive exactly in the moment that's perfect. It helps to counter that kind of brain insistence that you didn't do whatever. I may not have arrived at the originally agreed-upon time, but I always let people know when I would be arriving. It always turned out to be the perfect moment. I'm learning. I'm in the process of unlearning this you must always be 100% punctual. I've moved it into communicate.
That's all people want when you're running late. “I'm running two minutes late. I'm running five minutes.” It’s being in integrity and then also not judging yourself because things do happen which require your attention. Having the right consciousness behind the situation and not being too hard on yourself about it.
It all serves me in some way. I don't always, with my logical mind, understand the karmic math.
I wanted to focus a little bit about your work that you do and how you help others. Can you tell us a little bit about your conscious enlightenment process?
I've got a couple of things that I do. One is conscious enlightenment. The other is I have an Activate Your Super Powers Workshop. That will be coming up here in December 2022. The conscious enlightenment process is one-on-one work with me. I take all of the modalities that I now have at my fingertips because I went out and got a pile of them. I'm a troubleshooter at heart. If you've ever been someone who solves those kinds of problems, having the right tool in the moment makes all the difference.
Combining the spiritual with the biophysicist mentality.
It works out remarkably well. You would think totally in anathema, but no. A lot of the people who come to me for the conscious enlightenment process, they've run into a problem in the physical world that they can't solve by conventional means. They've tried all the things. When I talk to them, they're like, “I've seen all the doctors. I've seen all the professionals. I've talked to lawyers about this legal thing that's going on, and there's been zero resolution.” That's the kind of thing that tends to send people my direction because it's at that moment that it becomes mission-critical to solve whatever is going on. It's become clear. It's not a mundane problem. It's going to take some kind of an extra sensory outside spiritual solution.
That's the moment in which people are like, “I've tried all the things. Now I'm willing to try this.” I approach it in a structured manner and yet an intuitive manner. What I do is gather all the information on what's going on. I read your soul contract to understand what it is you came here to do, the challenges you overcame, the things that motivate you, and the skills you brought with you. We put all that in a pile, and then we talk to your body because your soul will speak to you through your physicality. I have you check in with your body. There'll be a part that's talking to you and will intuitively bring forward the stuff that's up for you. We'll find the right tool in the toolbox to deal with what that is. We'll ask your body, “What's next? Your soul will talk to you again through your physicality. We'll iterate that process until we've picked it apart.
It's exactly the process of how you got to where you are. Hearing your amazing story about hitting all these walls throughout life but not giving up and looking it as an opportunity. Whether subconsciously or consciously, we're thinking of that at the time. Obviously, it's frustrating when we feel like there's nothing we can move forward to, but then once you got the awareness to, “Now let's check in with my emotions and my body and unravel those walls that are the inner walls compared to the outer walls. You unravel those first and then things started flowing for you.” For you to be able to have this life story, this energetic blueprint of who you are as a beautiful soul, and being able to help other people, in the same manner, unravel their superhero powers. It's powerful work. I know it's not easy. I appreciate you and others that dedicate your lives to doing such things.
You asked me how I became Zofia. I love that you asked it that way. Your superconscious was probably talking to you. I was not given that name at birth. That was a name that came to me after my awakening because I had never liked my name all the way through my life. I hated all aspects of my name. My middle name was the worst. After I awoke, I'm like, “I want some insight into this. What is my real name? I know this isn't my real name.” My real name arrived. Now I have it. I wanted to acknowledge your own intuitiveness in asking that question because that story is literally how I became Zofia.
When you're open to the universe and flowing of information. A lot of times, I prepare for my show, but I also try to be present and look in the person in the eyes and then the questions and the conversations come. I want to thank you so much for coming on. If you had to sum it up in a sentence, why did you come here to planet Earth? Why did you choose to come here to planet Earth as Zofia? What did you want to experience?
It can't be summed up in a question in a sentence because I didn't choose. I was, in some ways, chosen. It is to simply be loved, to be that example of connection. That example of how you negotiate in both worlds at the same time, I don't think it's an accident that I have this amazing intellect that wants to drive the bus. I was here to show people how you can be both at the same time, both intuitive and logical rational.
What a gift to anyone who works with you and is able to unlock that within themselves because life becomes, I won't say easier, but more fulfilling and purposeful and step away, zoom out a little bit. Each situation does not the be all and all of our life. It's a flow of the process or a turn in the river. It's part of the whole grand scheme. A lot of times, we get into situations and we're like, “My life is falling apart. My relationship broke up. I lost this job.” Zoom out a little bit. You're here because you've overcome everything that's happened to you in the past. When you start learning to live in this flow of perspective, abundance, and love, then the journey becomes a lot more fun. That's the juice of life, is the journey, not the destination.
That's where happiness is found. Happiness is found right here in this moment. Regardless of what the external circumstances are in this moment, you can choose at any point to be more optimistic, hopeful, joyful, and curious. Any of those things are within your power to select. You do not have to go down that default, reactionary chain of emotions unless you choose to. There's some value to allowing those emotions, because when you just allow them, they pass through quickly. It's when you try to resist them or pretend that they're not there that you end up in this locked in struggle with them.
Regardless of what external circumstances you are facing, you can be more optimistic, hopeful, joyful, and curious. Any of those are within your power to select.
How can we learn more about you?
I have two doorways into Zofia Land. The first one, if you want to poke around the edges and get to know me a little bit, I would suggest going through the What Is Your Number One Spiritual Super power Quiz? That can be found at SuperPowerQuiz.us. It will tell you a little bit more about who you are, your giftedness, the main reason you came into this world. You can hang out and see what Zofia’s about. The other one is more for the people who are in that moment of dark night of the soul struggle, I've tried everything and it's not working right. I do a twenty-minute consult. It is quite literally a consult. You leave with a plan to attack whatever it is that's going on for you. One of the options that you leave with is working with me one on one, although that's not the only option you're provided with. You can find that at BookZofiaCoffeeChat.com.
The audience is going to love this episode. Thank you so much again for coming on and enlightening us.
Thank you so much for flowing with me.
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About Zofia Rennea Morales
ZofiaRennea Morales is an award-winning global strategist and former biophysicist. She had it all - a hi-powered career, loving husband, gorgeous properties, adventure, good friends, you name it. She was living the dream until her fast-paced life screeched to a halt and left her in pieces. Brought to the edge of death by undiagnosed chronic Lyme Disease, and was left bankrupt in every area of her life. Desperate for a miracle, Zofia cried her most vheartfelt prayer "I will do anything to get better". This single prayer triggered an unanticipated kundalini awakening; a spiritual activation that unlocked Zofia’s gifts as an intuitive, healer, and mystic changing her life completely. ZofiaRennea Morales is now the host of the talk radio program Sovereign Self and the creator of the Conscious Enlightenment Process. As a transformation alchemist and teacher, she guides clients to find the gold within their most painful life transitions, helping people from all backgrounds notice how life wraps the best gifts in the shittiest wrapping paper. Zofia’s scientific and corporate background appeals to clients who appreciate the way she integrates a pragmatic woo and real-life into her work. Seasoned with love and laughter, Zofia guides her clients through their own spiritual crises and onto their paths of passion and purpose with warmth, joy, tenderness, and play.
